All good intentions

sometimes end up going to hell in a handbasket. Yes, I firmly believe that one should mix metaphors whenever possible.

Since last I blogged, I've returned to Weight Watchers, am giving serious consideration to cutting all meat but fish from my diet, and created an 'office space' at home. Although, oddly enough, I have yet to sit down to the serious work of writing in it. This too shall change. I think I am finally on to getting things for my first ms figured out, so I'm excited about that. I mean, really excited about it in a way that I've not been for a while. Yes I should be working on my wip, however, I'm planning on flogging Limitless in some upcoming contests, so I'll get that straight and go from there.

On the spiritual front, I continue to grow and evolve as a spiritual being and am becoming happy with who I am discovering within myself. And this is a good thing.

More blogging soon, I promise.
Blessings, J

Do not Adjust your set!

Stay tuned! Management (that would be me) is back at the table (that would be the keyboard) and currently (that would be sometime in the next few days) seeking inspiration (that would be a kick in the butt) to make a concentrated effort to not only post a blog with more regularity than a proctologists convention, but to also get down and serious in the business of writing! I accomplished more yesterday than I did all last week, so that's a double thumbs up for me!

I'm keeping my goals per week list up, posted where I can see it, cuz, well it seems like good goals to have. And attainable.

Ride my mare once outside of our regular lessons, work out 4 days per week, two cardio, two cardio/weights, meditate, write 15-20+ pages per week. Totally attainable and not overwhelming.

Til we meet again! Go in peace and may the gods bless you and keep you safe.
J

Resolution time.

Another rainy, icky day in Southern Ontario. K, Mother Nature, it's January. I know that some people are totally thrilled with the fact that they can still get out and shoot their little balls around, but I'm sorta tired of mud. My horse's legs are caked in it, the dogs bring it in whenver they go outside. And, well, it's WINTER! It rather scares me to realize just how radically things have changed in the past few years. Even though I should be grateful for the savings to my hydro bill, I can't help but think that we'll pay a much higher price in the end.

Okay, onto a more cheery topic.

Resolutions. My number one resolution this year is to be happy. And to assist those around me to be happy. Because I think that if we're happy, all those other things like losing weight, working out, saving money will all fall into place naturally. I certainly do have some writing goals that I will accomplish.

1. Enter a contest a month.
2. Learn my craft.
3. Finish the d@mn books I've started. Or at least get back to them before December 31, 2007
4. Flog Limitless. I am going to get this sucker out there and get it sold to someone, or at the very least exhaust all options. At that point I'm going to save the one final copy and delete every other bloody file I have on this manuscript in all its incarnations. I'll free up so much space on my computer. LOL

And finally, I'm going to have fun.
I do have some horsey goals too, number one getting my mare bred. I pray she catches. And I pray it doesn't cost me an fortune to do it.

That's about it, but number one is being happy.

Another day, another goal

While I haven't offically set out a list of resolutions for the coming year, I do have several swirling around in the ole gray matter. Getting into a regular writing regiment is right up there with eating better, loosing weight and exercising. Then there's housework. Oh, and money. All of which need to be addressed. And oddly, all of which are linked, at least psychologically, to one another, at least in my world. My mood and state of mind affect whether I decide to clean the bathroom or eat another slice of toast with peanut butter. Or have several.

Control is also a very big issue for me. Lately, after emmerging from that lovely dark, dreery funk of depression, which is the only thing I can attribute my mental, emotional and spiritual absense to, I've discovered that while I was away (mentally, emotionally and spiritually) I relinquist control to my dear mother. Either that, or she saw I wasn't 'here' and picked up the reins and took over. Good thing she did. However, I'm back now, and have been for some time. I want my control back. And it's not been an easy thing to take back, although, I do suspect she's more than ready to hand over the reins again, at least in some respects.

This is the second time in this incarnation that I've experienced depression. The first time was brief and purely environmental. I was in a relationship that wasn't 'right' for me, nothing horribly wrong with it, but I was depressed. The relationship dissolved, albeit not the way I had imagined, and the veil was lifted. This time, it lasted a lot longer and I'm not quite sure what happened. I do know I entered into an Anne and came out a Jordanne. And this year I think it's time to make that official. The only thing I hope for, and I'd be kidding myself if I didn't think I could escape that black cloud again, is that I have enough presence of mind to get some drugs next time! Everyone seems to be on something and I almost feel like I'm missing out on something! LOL Just kidding. Kinda

Blessed be,
Jordanne

Another Shift in the Universe

I had an Epipphany...
And no, it didn't hurt. While reading another blog, the content of which was revolving around resolutions and the like, I was reading about yet another person who felt challenged with regard to feelings of 'self-worth'. It utterly amazes me the number of people that have in the past or currently do have genuine issues with feeling worthy.

And then a thought began to sprout and take root. What if, we as spiritual beings having a human experience, somewhere, deep down in our subconscious are aware of the higher 'evolution' for a lack of better terms, of our spiritual soul, and we know on a subconscious or visceral level, that in this incarnation as humans we are, for the most part, perhaps not less than, but considerably different than ourselves as ethereal and spiritual beings and therefore we strive to compete with that instead of just being who we are and learning what we set out to learn?

It was just a thought. And perhaps not even a tangible one. Or maybe that's just the human in me being self-conscious again. Who knows?

What I do know is that this year, 2007, is going to be a changing year. I'm going to grow, in all areas other than my waist band. There are friends I've lost touch with, people whom I have yet to meet, things I have yet to discover, places I've yet to experience and knowledge I have yet to learn. And perhaps the biggest of this, becoming the person I've yet to be. Not to mention chocolate I've yet to eat. Which of course, is a direct contradition with the waistband thing, so I guess it's time to strap on the athletic shoes and get a wiggle on to counteract the effects of chocolate ingestion.

So, in keeping with an old expression, (no not, 'gentlemen start your engines'), I was thinking more along the lines of 'let the games begin!'

Bring it on, Mother Nature!

Okay, so I'm the first to admit that I'm just a little offside. Not a lot. Nothing requiring medication, or incarceration. I just like snow. I do, really. Rain, in summer, or spring is fine. Even the first part of fall is okay. But once the temperature is closer to zero than my my bank balance, I want snow. Not lots of it. And I certainly don't want people in danger because of it, but I like snow. It's clean. At least at first. It's tranquil, at least to me it is. I love looking outside at night, watching the landscape shift and sway, drifts and icicles form. Now I must admit, I am not so great a fan of shovelling the stuff, but since I really don't have to worry about that anymore, that's someone else's problem. I love walking the dogs in it, riding my horse in it, so long as it's not coating a slick layer of ice. Then it's dangerous. Beautiful still, but I prefer to have my beloved Lee with four functioning, intact legs.

And, while I certainly don't have scads of money to spend this year, I love Christmas. Okay, I love the spirit of Christmas, Yule, Winter Solstice, of family and giving. And, yes, of receiving. Giving is great, it is, won't argue there. But I'm still kid enough to know that I like getting presents too. And pumpkin pie and stuffing.

A Strange Brew We Writers Are.

We really are. I'm certian if the common man or woman ever got a glimpse of the way our minds work, the way we can take something so absolutely horrific, or tragic and ask ourselves 'what if' and then spin a tale from it, I'm sure they'd run screaming through the streets.

What if...someone wanted to escape an abusive marriage and the perfect opportunity in the form of a natural disaster, or terrorist attack, or the like occured and provided them with an oppurtunity to do just that...or, same scenerio, but what if abusive husband is believed to have been killed in said disaster, but he really wasn't, and the wife lives in the continual shadow of 'is he really dead'? See what I mean?

We're a fun lot, but we are kinda, well, not always wired the same way as people that don't write, or scuplt or paint. Somedays that's a good thing, other days, well other days it just leaves our friends wondering if perhaps they should maybe call the nice men in white with the fancy coat with long sleeves to come take us away, somewhere we'll, and they'll, be safe.

But really, we're not THAT bad. Well, at least most of us. And truthfully we can get story ideas from the damnedest of sources. I had a 'what if' moment happen this morning while I was listening to the radio and a Christmas song came on that I'd never heard before. I listened to the words and one thought led to another and the next thing I know, I already have the first scene plotted out in my head. Or at least a good portion of it. It'll be years before I ever get to it. If ever, since I think it'll be a short anthology length. Heck, even writing this I've taken another step toward plotting out the sucker. So, this is me signing off and opening a file in my Word program entitled WHAT IF, and that's where these fragments of stories are going to find a temporary home. Until they get a folder of their own.

Cheers!

Another Shift in the Universe

This is a test. But isn't everything, really?

I really have no idea if this in fact will work or not, however, it is key to my current wip, so here's hoing.

While I've been somewhat neglegent about adding my two cents worth here for all and sundry to read, I have been working on a better me. And, well since I'm human, that does mean some off days too. I'm currently reading YOU on a Diet by Drs Oz and Roizen and it's very interesting, I highly recommend reading it, even if you think you have a handle on healthy eating. You'd be surprised.p

Now, granted it's going to take some time to make the shift to encorporate this kind of lifestyle change, I definitely want to. There's a long list of unhealthiness in my family and I'd really rather not drop dead of a heart attack anytime in the next forty or fifty years. Or anything else either, to be honest. While I have my own devote belief of what the 'afterlife' entails, there's still a whole bunch of things I'd like to do in this lifetime before the next one comes along. My biggest problem is figuring out just what those things might be. I do know I want to further my education, it's just what direction do I want to go? Therein lie the crux of the problem. I wish it would be so easy as to have any one of my wonderfully intuitive friends to say, 'you should do this'. Somehow, I don't think that's going to happen any time soon, so it'll be up to me to draw my own conclusions.

Even baby steps heading in the right direction will get you where you need to be in time.

And so the countdown begins

Stay tuned for tomorrow.
November 1st marks the coming of the Celtic New Year. I've never had any luck at all keeping traditional resolutions that commence January 1st, so I'm going to give this a whirl. I'm ready for a change, Godess know I certainly need one.

Chaos creates stars

I attended our TRW meeting on Saturday, received my PRO pin and hunkered down to be entertained by three very charming, witty and often funny ladies, Susan Gable, Holly Jacobs and Jamie Denton. They presented a "We don't need no stinkin' rules" session and while I can't say I learned a whole bunch, it really is nice to have what you do believe qualified by someone else.
It was kind of like reading the Da Vinci Code, and bloodline of Christ notwithstanding, I do have to say I shared some of the same beliefs Robert Langdon did, and perhaps, dare I say it, even Dan Brown.
Dreams, as I've tagged my latest WIP is coming along swimmingly. The random thoughts and 'oh, this is good' jottings are starting to come together and form something that resembles, albiet still loosely, a storyline.
This morning when I looked in my daughters room and asked her 'what's going on in here?' smarty pants that she is, replied, 'A universe is forming' I really had to chuckle because it made me realise that's my process for this current WIP. Out of the chaos comes a star. I'm hoping that prophetic jewel reflects not only my daughters bedroom, but also my writing career.

Blessings, J

Food for thought.

Wow two days in a row! Better check and see if there's two moons in the sky. Actually, there likely isn't any, as yesterday was a new moon. Luna is waxing, so it's time to get back to writing. Creating anew. Actually, it's time to do it regardless. JUST DO IT, as the Nike saying goes.
And while I didn't exactly work on my newest manuscript for an hour yesterday as I wanted, I did open it up and refreshed myself with it, then fleshed some more out. I'm still trying to figure out how to get these two dynamic characters together in a believable way. I certainly have enough conflict, both internal and external, and have a good degree of motivation as well. I managed to 'discover' a few more things that will put some meat in the stew. One of those things is the spirit of the hero's mother. That should be interesting to write. I'm currently working on a storyline, I've started out rough and will add chapter by chapter. Right not it resembles a grocery list.

Welcome to my world

Welcome to my world
There's a very dirty word that has entered into my life. No, no, it's not the dreaded 'F' bomb. Procrastination. There, I said it. Now the word alone isn't cause for concern, the action, or more to the point, non-action of its meaning is the problem. I am the first to admit that I suffer from the greatest of intentions. And then, in the thick of my ambitions something happens. I have a pretty good idea what it is. Or at least, I think I'm in the right ball park. Some of it comes from being disorganized. Some of it comes from wanting to be a people pleaser. Some of it comes from attention seeking, but in all honesty, I think a large part of mine, at least, comes from fear. Fear of success. Fear of failure. I think that's part of the reason I've also skimmed through life barely making average. That must change. Now I'm not talking about huge radical departures, vision quests or anything else that monumentally life changing. Just taking baby steps in the right direction. You can't learn unless you make mistakes, or at least the big important lessons, anyway, I don't think. I began the journey last night. Despite having a whooping headache, I went to the Y and joined the walking group and went out for about 5km. That impressed me. And it got rid of my headache. I also sat for half an hour or so and meditated. Also something else I dearly need to resume on a regular basis. Later today, and I mean this, not as a procrastination attempt, I will sit down and dedicate at least an hour to writing. And I don't just mean reading over something I wrote. I mean putting fresh thoughts to paper. Er, well, keyboard to screen.
Be blessed!

Another day that ends in Y.

Hey all! Now, I'd love to say that I've been tardy with posting because I got The Call, or because I've been so busy working out that I've just been too tired to be witty. Ummm, no, sorry, that's not the case. There was a fair bit of time there where I had been busy riding my horse and getting over some issues I had with myself, but that's not been the case of late. I did have a sinus infection and was very preoccupied with a growth in my throat, but that seems to have gone the way of the doodoo bird. I hope. That was so utterly annoying, and preoccupied most of my thoughts for the better part of a week.

I did rid myself of some excess baggage and feel wonderful for it. Baggage of the human kind, that is. I needed to close a door before another could open, as it were.

Mom, child and I had an out of town wedding to go to up near Renfrew, and then spent some tourist time in Kingston. Very nice town. We went on the haunted walk, but sadly didn't see anything. Not that I was expecting to. By no means did we see all there was to see in Kingston, but enough to know I'd like to go back someday.

I don't even have anything horribly poignant to say either at the moment. I'm in total vacation mode. I slept in until 11 and I have to say, I'm giving serious consideration to laying down for a nap.

I have been reading though, even if I've not been writing. I just finished Diana Gabaldon's Voyageur, Evelyn Vaugh's Something Wicked and am now reading the Da Vinci Code. Yes, believe it or not, there is one person on the face of the earth that's not read it. I have also been doing some studying of my tarot deck.

So, as you can see, my life is horribly exciting at the moment. Not. And I'm kinda liking it that way.

Today's the day!

Today is the day that I will take the next step in my writer's journey. I will send out my partial to S Intimate Moments. I am a writer. And I'm one that's not afraid to make that next step. Repeat after me, I am not afraid to take the next step. I am not afraid of the unknown. Yeah, okay, right.
You know if someone came to me and told me their fears, hopes, dreams, I'd tell them a completely different thing that I would in fact do for myself. And why? I think because I don't give myself even enough credence, or credibility, or egad, worthiness.
I popped into a local metaphysical store last week with a friend. The owner, an amiable chap with apparent 'insight', started talking to my friend, telling her things. I couldn't help but laugh. This wasn't the first time I was with a friend and someone started telling them things. This time I said something. Why is it everyone always gets a message and I don't?!! To which the owner replied, "Would you like to know why?" Gulp. Did I? Yes of course I did! Honest. "You have this wall of confidence up that sends the message Don't approach me, I'm not receptive."
Or something to that effect. Now of course, I laughed again and said, boy have I got you all fooled. I can sit back now and replay the conversation and past few years over in my mind and realize that I have errected that wall. And fairly well built it is, by all accounts. I guess I come of as being rather like my one cat, Sterling, aloof, distant, in control and untouchable, however, once I come close, very affectionate and loving. The key is getting close. Or rather, me allowing someone close enough.
So, this week I've made a concentrated effort to not only send out more peaceful, loving energy, but to also connect more with my self. I can't say that I've connected with my higherself, but I have tried through meditation. I do know that I've encounted a few ethereal beings. A guide and an angel. Very neat. I didn't get to meditating yesterday, which isn't good, but sometimes it happens. I did spend a few hours discussing matters of the spiritual world with a friend. I replayed the scene over to him, whom I've just met in the last year or so, and he confirmed the illusion I have projected. So now I'm working on tearing down that wall and putting curtains up instead. I believe that will be more effective and serve me far better in both my life and my spiritual development.
Until next time, Blessings!

Void of course.

Please, bear with me for a minute. This, gods willing, will make sense.
When I read through my first Witches' Daybook, I noticed several things. The one that stands out in my mind most is the key symbols for the moon when it enters the 'void of course' stage. It doesn't tend to last very long, a few hours, though the first time I read the phrase, I added a comma. It changed the whole meaning. It became void, of course. Like I was a dummy and should have known better.

Which brings me along side my point. It was totally my doing that had me thinking that negatively of myself. Years and years of conditioning brought me to that point. Not just external conditioning, such as my father telling me to 'not get too big on yourself' when I did well on a test or something (ya, I know, like THAT makes sense) to believing it on an internal level. I think years and years of hearing negative things finally chips away at the armour of self-confidence our spiritual soul already has when we're born with. One chink in the armour is all it takes to let that negativity in and 'poof', it takes twice as long, or longer to shore up that dent and make it strong again. But it's not just getting in shape, being successful, landing the dream job or man or house, or whatever. I know people that don't have those things that are, or at least seem, to be totally content, totally secure and have none of the issues some of us deal with on a daily level. They're either great actors or have absolute confidence. The call is not mine to make.

So, what's the difference between them and us? I think one thing is that they have a course. It may be unknown to them on a conscious level, but I think it still exists. And while I know we all have courses, the difference is, they stick to theirs, while we, the unsure, waver, think that we somehow do not deserve to have that dream house, have that wonderful spouse, be a perfect size 3 or 5 or 7 or 12, whatever. I mean, wow, what would happen if we actually got what we truly wanted? No doubt someone, that evil one-eyed-stinking ogre would slink out from the depths of our dispair and tell us that we don't deserve it. That's why I think we sabatoge ourselves. We eat that caramel pecan treat from Dairy Queen, or gorge ourselves on a whole pizza while no one's looking. ('kKay so I'm guilty on the DQ treat, I did not eat the whole pizza)
I think that as unhappy as we are with ourselves, it's the 'ourselves' we know. It's the proverbial 'devil you know, over the devil you don't' scenerio.

The key, I think, is not only putting out the positive energy into the Universe, ie"I am worthy, MONEY (insert whatever applies here) is attracted to me" yada yada, but it's also having to hardwire those same mantras into our subconscious. I highly doubt this is new. I think I am just at the stage of my evolution that I was ready to figure it out.

Now, for me, this applies to three areas. Health/weight/fitness, writing/becoming a successful author, and getting control of my financial life. I have to learn to give myself permission to be successful at all of the above. I am worthy of being a thin person, I am worthy of being a multipublished author, I am worthy of not having to work my considerable ass off just to come out even. I also know, it won't be an overnight success, but it will be so totally worth it in the end. Now's the time for change. I am truly tired of being void of course.

Reality bites.

One of my favourite lines from a movie is when Mortiana, the crone in Robin Hood Prince of theives says to the Sheriff of Nottingham 'something vexes thee..." when he comes into her little shop of horrors and has a hissy fit. Well that line is rather fitting for me today too. In short, ABC cancelled Invasion. Now, I tend to spend most of my tv watching time glued to HGTV, there's little on Primetime that I actually care about. I don't mind CSI at all, though I'm not 'religous' about watching it. I used to be a faithful Charmed fan, until the networks couldn't figure out which timeslot and just who would be airing it. I figure I'll just buy the DVDs and watch it uninterupted. Same goes for Dharma and Greg. Now, enter the 2005 fall line up and my heart be still, Eddie Cibrian, hottie extraordinaire has a new show out. I'll admit that he was the only reason I tuned in. At first. For about the first episode and a half. Then I was hooked completely by the rest of the characters, the storyline, everything had me. Hook, line and sinker. There's got to be a pun there somewhere, given the aquatic theme of the program.

So when the eleventh hour of the fate of Invasion came, and ABC opted out of a second year, hearts broke all over the world. To say I'm sick about it would be putting it mildly. I loved this show. I made sure I watched it, when I could find it, that is. If I couldn't watch it, I recorded it. I tuned in initially for Russell but by the closing credits of the second last episode I found myself falling for Sheriff Tom Underlay. As a writer I could see the character potential in him so clearly. That if nothing else has been a boost in the backside to get writing again. I'll definitely be buying the DVD when it comes out. And I added my name to the petition to save this show. Let's just hope they can give it another year, or at tie up movie, or something. Please, PTB, please throw us a bone. Or a sheriff, or something.

Long weekend? Not for this chicky!

The long weekend is one day down. But that also means one more workday till I get one off. It's midnight and I'm going to beg forgiveness if I'm the normal witty Jord doesn't shine through. I can report that I stayed pretty much on target as far as WW goes and while I didn't do anything to enrich my spiritual growth besides picking up a magazine at Superstore called Control Stress, I did pull out a copy of my suckopsis and read over it. I am going to, (notice I didn't say 'going to try'), do something writing related each and every day. Whether it be actually ABC (Apply Butt to Chair) and creating something fresh, or slogging over something old that needs reworking, or even just grabbing one of the many how-to books and reading a chapter or two. I am going to do something to further my career each and every day. Three seems to be the number of late. So, with three areas of my life to work on, health, writing and spirtual growth, that seems like a good thing to focus on. I'm not worrying very much right now about my horse, other than praying to the Goddess that she'll come into season to be bred and that I'll have the money at the time to cover the rest of the stud fee. But that's a topic for another day. Be blessed everyone! J

Yay Friday

This is test post number one. I've been thinking of putting a blog together for a while now, I just never got around to it. Though, truth be told, I really haven't got a clue as to whether I've accomplished that task or not. To be totally cliche, today is the first day of the rest of my life. Cliches are around for a reason. And while someone from my past used to use that line to the detriment of all around him, I feel it's fitting. I rejoined Weight Watchers yesterday, and while I was physically sick, and didn't follow program, today is the start day. I have a short list today of things to do. Walk the dogs, stay on program, vacuum and do some writing. If I can get to the barn to see my horse, pay my visa and clean the toilet, it truly will be a productive day. I'm following the Core program this week, though I might shake that up every two or three weeks so that I don't fall into the same problems with eating the same food all the time. That's me, a creature of habit. But I'm finding as I get older and discover myself, I'm not so intent on colouring within the lines anymore. Now we'll just have to see what the rest of the day brings. And tomorrow.